Germ-o-phobe Guy- Germ-o-phobe guy is frighteningly thin, guant, and intense. He goes to the gym covered from head toe. No. I mean COVERED. Long pants, long shirt, bandana wrapped around his head, gloves on his hands. Perhaps the thought of touching another person's sweat simply overwhelms him, but he does not allow a single inch of skin to touch any gym surface. Before using a piece of equipment he wipes it down with his OWN Clorox wipes that he brings from home. He then lays towels down on everything. Needless to say, with all the sweating he does under all those layers of clothes, he smells like someone's dirty gym socks they left in their locker for 3.5 years.
Excessive Grunting Guy- This one you can hear from across the gym. Only he doesn't only grunt - but yells, and highcoughs, and spits, and shoots fire from his ears!! I look over and see the veins in his head bursting. He is bright bright red and I am fairly certain that at any moment, his head will explode. Thankfully Germ-o-phobe guy has plenty of Clorox wipes to assist with clean up
Beefy Lady- Look- more power to you lady. You are 5'10" and have more muscle than me and my husband combined. But when you look at me with your fake tan, bleached blonde hair, and nail extensions that rival Wolverine, and give me that "pish posh scrawny girl and her 10lb weights" look, I sort of want to rip your lycra bike shorts from your waist and wrap them around your neck. I'm just saying...
At Least I Look Cute Lady- Every gym has one. Or ten. She is decked out in the most expensive EVERYthing, full face of makeup, hair done, and a weight in one hand. She then proceeds to hold said weight and wander around the gym talking to dudes. I check every once and while to see if the weight has changed position or perhaps if she has decided to get on a machine. Once I believe I saw look perplexedly at the treadmill, shake her head, and then continue to gab whilst holding the weight. I am baffled as to how she stays so thin, considering she has never once worked out, but have to think that she could better be spending her $50 a month elsewhere.
Creepy Old Guy- I think this one speak for itself. I'm not completely sure, but I think he may even have given me a kissy face one time
WORKOUT IS LIFE Couple- These two treat a trip to the gym like they are fu**ing. No seriously. One of them sits on a machine while the other one spots. They then proceed to encourage each other by saying things like "Oh yea baby, do it. Do it. Oh yea, you're so close."
Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend I am watching amateur porn. It's certainly more exciting than watching myself lift weights in the mirror.
And the list goes on and on and on.....
