Tidbits and...Turds?

Thoughts for the day...

-Tug has run full force into the porch screen door at least 10 times. I am wondering how long it will take him to get the concept

-Going to Cape Cod tomorrow and am wondering how many pairs of shorts I will actually require for 7 days at the beach. My current estimation seems to be somewhere in between 5 and 349058977.

-A trip to the Home Depot always seems to go something like this. You need sliders for the bottom of your chairs. You search in and out of every aisle until you realize you are never going to find them. You search guerilla style for a man in an orange apron, peeking in and out of every aisle until you spot one. He is surrounded by five other hungry shoppers, hovering like wolves. You wait your turn until forty-five minutes later you find your self stalking and accosting a poor acne ridden adolescent boy on his way to the bathroom rolling up his apron about the get off work and beg him desperately for the chair sliders. He directs you to the wrong aisle and you start the process all over again.

-I never watch TV. I am home alone today off from work, however, and was watching the Olympics. They ended and Martha Stewart came on. About five minutes in she referred so some poor chef's cupcake creation as looking like a "piece of turd." Tell me again why this woman is on TV.

Ok. That's  it for now folks.

Long Island...and then some

So here's the thing about my lady friends and bachelorette parties. Everyone I know has always said "I don't want any strippers" and I have been more than happy to oblige. I never had the slightest urge for one myself. But...then Jessica was having her party. And if anyone needs a stripper, it's Jessica. SO we all called Hunk-O-Mania and ordered a stripper. It went something like this...

Them: "Hunk-o-Mania, how can we help you?"

Us: "Ah yes...we'd like...one stripper please."

Them: "For when and what time?"

Us: "Um...Saturday at 6:30?"

Them: "What theme would you like?"

Us: "I'm sorry? Like...under the sea? or back to the future?"

Them: "No. Like policeman, fireman, doctor...."

Us: "OH YES!! Um...policeman please."

Them: "Officer Matt will arrive at 6:30. That will be $300 for a half hour."

Who knew strippers could be so expensive? And it was quite a business transaction, might I add. Jessica was not expecting a thing and Officer Matt was probably the nicest guy I have met in awhile. Not skeevy and no they don't get all the way naked. We thought it might be more like him doing a little dance, but in the end it was more like him totally violating us (in a PG-13 kinda way, nothing too horrible) and putting us all in these ridiculous positions like nothing I have ever seen in my life. It was really amusing and I'm really glad that I got to experience it...one time. That will probably be enough.  We then headed out to Fire Island and had an awesome night. Seriously it was so much fun.  Then since I am off for 3 weeks, I decided to stay at Kate's out on Long Island for the week. We basically ate, drank, and sat on the beach all week. It was awesome. Now I have to tend to the house and ya know...keep unpacking!!!!!

Dog Days

For the first time in probably....ever...Chris came to ME with a seemingly absurd statement.

"Lorraine, we need to get another dog."

I stopped for a moment and looked over. Was this my husband? My very sensible practical husband who does nothing close to impulsive? I examined him for a moment to make sure some alien clone had not taken over his body and yes, it seems that it was in fact my husband.

"Tug is all alone during the day now. He needs a friend."

I'm fairly certain that I had been begging for another dog since I started taking in random strays when we first got married. But now he was coming to ME with this request. He wanted a second dog. Another small one. Maybe a rescue dog who was calm, a little older than a puppy and already house trained. Well that sounds wonderful. Where can we special order one of those?? Last I heard the shelter was the puppy home for wayward souls, but I'd be more than happy to try.

So we take a trip to the local Humane Society. We are just dog browsing at this point. A family trip to Cape Cod in a few weeks causes us to question getting a dog before we get back. We are taking Tug with us to Cape Cod, but new mystery dog may not be ready for a frolic on the beach. New mystery dog may not be as well trained as Tug.  We go into the shelter as if we are walking onto a used car lot. Don't give into high pressure. We're just LOOKING! We're not ready to take ANYTHING home. More or less we just want to get an idea of what kinds of dogs frequent the local shelter.

Of course almost instantly we have a friendly older volunteer walk up to us asking what it was we're looking for. We give me our order. He pauses and more or less says we won't find anything like that here. I peruse the cages. Pitbull. Staffie. Shepherd mix. Pitubull. Staffie. Sherpherd mix. A Greater Pyrennes, which in another life I would LOVE to have. But essentially we need something small to medium. A few more volunteers come up to us. 

They ask if we could at least take a dog on a walk (since we are clearly worthless bastards who won't adopt a dog today). We feel bad. Very bad. So we take "Paul" on a walk. "Paul" is a pitbull who they tell us is the "good boy" out of the bunch. "Paul" drags us halfway down the block attempting to chase after every car, eat every piece of garbage, and take a chunk out of Chris's face. Since they said "Paul" was the good boy, we are questioning the caliber of dog we will find here. Now granted, I am ALL FOR adopting a dog. There is no reason not to. But until we can find that very special someone, I don't intend to take home any "Pauls" any time soon.

Wish us luck!!

It's Official!

Well, it's official ladies and gentlemen. Chris and I have moved into our first home. And we love it. After offering pizza and beer to my closest friends and family, we managed to complete the move in no time and save a ton of money by not hiring any damn movers (My recommendation? Just befriend burly men....or at least wimpy men like my friends who can muster up enough burly to move some shit).

However, it's the unpacking things that is getting to me slightly. The last time I moved, I was in between jobs and had all the time in the world to unpack. This time? Not to much. In fact, I am lucky if I even unpack a single item when I get home from work. Granted Chris and Jim managed to find the time to build a horseshoe pit in my backyard to play and drink beers at, but who needs clothes in the closet? Or shades on the windows? Or food in the pantry? Nah, not us. As long as we've got some horseshoes and some beer, we're apparently all good.

In any event, I've done some exploring of my new surroundings. It's quite gorgeous up here and close enough to everything that I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. It's about an hour from NYC..so definitely further than before...but I'm not cryin' about it. The dark skies and infinite stars that I see make up for it, trust me. Although the wide range of totally unidentifiable bugs...that I could do without. (I'm talking mutant bugs. Crazy bugs. Bugs I've never seen in my LIFE!).

So here's to home ownership. What does it really mean? It means I now check my account balance before I buy a bottle of water, cuz you never do know if there is any money in it.
Cheers!