Weighty Issue

In typical girl fashion, I have always had issues with my weight. While I realize that any normal person looking at me would say "You are skinny. Shut up." that isn't really where I am going with this. I'm not trying to imply that I think I am currently fat. I logically know that I am thin. But what it comes down to for me is feeling comfortable in my skin.

I have an issue. I can only operate in two planes. Eating way too much or eating way too little. My appetite fluctuates from non-existent to ravenous and does not know anything of a nice normal in between. So my weight has this tendency to fluctuate within this 5-10 lb range that I can't seem to get a good handle on. And the fact is that I am rarely comfortable in my skin. At 5'7" I know how much I should weigh. I know that my tendency is to weigh less than that. But I know that regardless of what number it says on the scale, I know how I like to feel in my clothes. And it irks the friggin hell out of me when I don't feel that way.

I try really hard to figure out what it is about my appetite and my food issues (I become completely fixated. Sometimes all I can think about is food. Whether it's seeking it out or avoiding it, I have no healthy relationship with it in any remote sense of the word). Perhaps it's something physical, perhaps my metabolism and my appetite just can't get it together. Maybe that's why my appetite fluctuates the way it does. Or maybe it's totally psychological. I don't really know. But either way, I'm growing tired of it. I want to be thin and fit and not too thin but not any less thin than I am now. Is that sooooo much to ask?

Oh. Well dammit....