Packing It In

Chris and I are hoping to move on July 26. That means it is packing time. I have moved almost every year since high school, whether it was from dorm to dorm or state to state....2006-2008 was the longest I'd stayed in one place since high school.

So you'd think I'd be a pro at it, right? Wrong. My problem is that I become totally overwhelmed by the process. I either start throwing everything out or packing everything in a box until I have 23 boxes marked "Miscellaneous" and one marked "Towels."  And that's as far as I get. Chris has a different approach. It took him the entire day to pack one room, being that he has to meticulously go through every single item in it. I was at the point where he was telling me "We need a box for junk and a box for doo-dads!!!"  when I totally zoned out. To add to it, I'm disgustingly ill today. A combination of no sleep and working a lot has left me with a nasty cold. 

Things I did succeed in doing today?

1. Take everything off the walls

2. Take nails out of walls

3. Fill a box or two

4. Find every guitar pick I had ever misplaced since Xmas

5. Fall asleep on the futon in the office while Chris continued to pack.

Needless to say, it was less than productive. Ah well. 

That Number Does Not Compute

Today I went to get gas at the local Getty station. I love this Getty station because it is run by a little Filipino man who loves everyone and pumps your gas for you...no extra charge. The gas there is usually a few cents cheaper too, and it is absolutely no frills. Something that is particularly no frills are the pumps themselves. They are the old school pumps with the rotating numbers and no option for "swipe your card and go" service. I notice a piece of paper taped to the pump. This is what it says.

"Due to the mechanical inability of this pump to recognize prices above $4.00, The Department of Weights and Measures has authorized the use of half gallon pricing. Therefore, your total cost will be double what it states on the pump."

Let me just reiterate that. Due to the "mechanical inability" of the pump, $4.00 gas was never supposed to exist. Let alone $4.25 gas. I wonder what's going to happen to my beloved Getty when gas hits $8.00 a gallon? Go out of business or get new pumps, I suppose. It's a sad sad state of things indeed.

Stimulus THIS

So Chris and I logged on to our bank account to find that, low and behold, our $1200 stimulus check has been direct deposited. Now we know what we are supposed to be doing with this check. We are supposed to be buying 1/2 a big screen plasma screen TV, we are supposed to be buying 3/4 of a laptop, we are supposed to be investing it in shares of a failing stock, or we are supposed to be taking a road trip on $1200 worth of gas, perhaps to somewhere exotic like...Southern Jersey.

But you know what we did with OUR stimulus check? Click. Transfer. Into Savings. Yes, folks. The economy blows, but quite honestly I know that we are going to need that $1200 for something legitimate, like (not even) 1/2 of a monthly mortgage payment. SO, we saved it. My hope is that most Americans with too. Not because I want the economy to fail. But because I think the problem with the economy is that Americans always want what they can't afford, and they want it right now. Perhaps if we all just paid for the things we need before the things we want, we'd all be in a better place. Now I am no saving guru. I spend on stupid shit sometimes. But that isn't very often. The fact is, I know that I need a lot of things for my house. And there are a lot of things I need long before I will EVER need a flat screen TV.

On that note, just another sign of a failing economy. I saw a commerical  today for Michigan. Yes, you heard me correctly. A commercial. As in, please move your entrepreneurial company to Michigan because we have a sick unemployment rate, and sure the state is in total disarray, but wouldn't you love to live in the lovely mitten state? That made me a bit sad. To say the least. 

Easy as 1..2..7...?

I never really liked math. Thankfully, I was always pretty good at it. But I never really liked it. So I'm not one to scoff at those who suck at it. But today was the classic example of why our society is generally dumb.

I go to the market today to pick up some fish for dinner. I enjoy buying fresh fish the day of.  So I have my fish, my red onion, a few other incidentals. The woman in front of me is talking to her daughter and is not speaking English. The cashier rings up her total. It comes to $19.28. She hands the cashier a 20. He punches it in and once the drawer is already opened, he is ready to hand her the 72 cents it tells him she is owed. She gestures to her purse and takes out some change.  The cashier gets a dollar bill ready, assuming it is going to be EXACT change.

Uh oh. She throws him for a loop and hands him 35 cents. Cashier boy, whose name of course is Kolby and is no more than 17, gets a look of complete horror on his face. He stops and stares as the 35 cents for what seems like an eternity, eyes widening and face getting redder by the second. I see the gears turning in his head. Is this really that hard? I mean come on. Even if you just count on your fingers, it's not that hard to do 35 minus 28!! 

I'd say a good  30 seconds went by. Sweet little Kolby is just staring at the screen. Perhaps he was hoping he could pull up a calculator function. Perhaps he was contemplating taking out his cell phone and using the function on there.  But then I realize something.  Oh my goodness. He doesn't even know how to make change!! He doesn't even know that all you have to do is take 35 minus 28...plus the dollar. I could see if the math was getting crazy. Like four or five dollars worth with confusing amounts of coins kinda change. But this is easy. He stares back at the woman who is still talking to her daughter, almost oblivious. He then asks her if she has exact change!

Only one problem. She doesn't speak English. She just says something in Spanish and points back at the money she has already given him. The perfectly valid 35 cents that should for no reason be returned to its previous owner. I look at Kolby and consider telling him that he owes her $1.07. But I think Kolby's pride was hurt enough, and I was sort of enjoying the spectacle if I'm honest.

Kolby turns back to his drawer. His hand hovers over the nickels, then back to the dimes, finally landing on the pennies. I think perhaps he's got it figured out. He picks up two pennies. . I try using some Jedi mind action to guide his hand over to the nickels. His hand is still hovering. It wavers. It shakes. It.....

...hands the two pennies to the woman. Still engaged in conversation, she is none the wiser and walks away, 5 cents short.  Oh Kolby, you were so close. You knew that from $19.28 you had to round up to SOMEthing...but it wasn't the right thing. And thus begins yet another generation of dumbed down technology dependence. (Man, when did I get so old??)

O-BA-MA!!! O-BA-MA!!!

Victory never felt so good. Whether you are a supporter or not, go watch his speech from last night. You would have to be made of steel not to feel inspired and moved.

Now, we move forward.

Is There Any Cure for Me!?!

The multiple listing service (MLS), where all the real estate for sale is listed, has become my new best friend.  I know what you're saying. Lorraine, you already bought a house, you can stop looking now. 

No, I can't. You see I have developed a nasty virus.  Unlike the typical "buyer's remorse" you often hear about, I have developed something on the total opposite end of the spectrum. It's called 

"I got the nicest house in my price range, nanny nanny poo poo-itis."  

I hear it may even me incurable. Symptoms include:

*Compulsively checking MLS for homes in the same price range that I got my home for

*Thoroughly examining each photo of said houses and scoffing at the ugly carpet, impossible to remover wallpaper, or horrific hot pink and orange bathroom tile.

*Calculating the amount of acreage of said houses times the desirability of location divided by the cost of taxes to the power of home renovations needed...times pi.

*Basking in the realization that my house has the most acreage, best location, moderate taxes, and least renovations needed of the homes in its price range....times pi.

*Compulsively RE-checking MLS in surrounding areas as well, to make sure that I'm still right.

Yup, it's a nasty nasty case I've got. But boy does it make me feel good at the end of the day!

Manual Labor

I spent this weekend in Rhode Island with Chris's family. It was nice to do the New England thing and see everyone, but I was more excited for Monday.

Monday was going to be manual labor day. We left Rhode Island around 8:30 am so that we could meet dad at my new house. Monday was the day we would do a few things.

1. Check out the hiking trails in our backyard. Yes, you heard me, there are trails in my backyard.

2. Introduce Tug to the new house and let him sniff all over our massive needing to be mowed lawn and our teeny tiny house.

3. DEMOLITION!!!!!!


Ok, so having hiking trails in the woods in your backyard? Um. Effing awesome. They don't go on for miles and miles but they go on enough for a good dog walking and a good little burst of "into the woods" time. Tug enjoyed thoroughly and even more-so enjoyed the big lawn to pee all over. But me? I was most excited for the demo to begin.

Our big plan is to get into the house by the end of July. Thankfully for us, very little needs to be done. The house was built in 1950 but has new windows, roof, driveway, siding, all the big stuff. What it DOES need is new molding and new doors. And this means we got to rip things apart. Nothing better than that!! There is something so therapeutic about hammering and pulling and throwing around big pieces of wood. My job was to wait on the deck for the hunks of wood and hammer all the nails out so the wood could go to the dump. And dammit I enjoyed it thoroughly!! Another thing I thoroughly enjoyed? Listening to my dad exclaim how well built this house is. That there are a zillion nails holding everything together and the walls are built like a fort.

You may not be able to appreciate this as much as I can. But my dad is an electrician by trade and can build anything. Anything involved with home improvement...he is a pro. But his favorite pastime is bitching about how poorly everything is built and how HE is going to have to fix all of it. So the fact that this lil' house in the woods that I bought happens to be to HIS standards of "well built" is so many years of redemption rolled into one, you can't even begin to understand. He even said that MY house was built better than HIS!!

SCORE!!!!

So I have to admit, I am thrilled with my little house. It's so damn cute, the property is so damn amazing, and pretty soon we will make it our own. It was not built with crappy drywall that will fall apart the minute I hang a picture, it was not built by some massive development company in one month so that it looks all fancy but is actually made of toothpicks....it is a good house. A good solid house with lots of possibility and I love it.
That and all the manual labor that goes with it. :)

Trauma- Life at the Doggie Park

No joke here. My brother's dog Holly is a papillon, just like my dog Tug. This means she is a small dog with a big dog's heart shoved inside of her, along with the cuteness of the cutest thing you've ever seen, the genius of lassie, and the athletic ability of...well ok...we'll leave that to Tug. My dog is the circus dog while Holly more prefers to lounge. But in any event, she's awesome. And all that awesome packed in to one little doggie tends to make other dogs....jealous.

Sadly for Holly, the other day that other dog happened to be a massive German Shepherd. Now look. I don't know how many of you people go to dog parks. But there is an unspoken rule. If your dog is an an asshole, ya can't come in!! In fact, add to that... if you are asshole who never should have gotten a dog in the first place, because you can't control it, ya can't come in then either!!!

Unfortunately for Holly, the apparent combination of both of these manifested itself into one said massive German Shepherd and one said massive raging asshole owner. No sooner were Stephen and Jocelyn about to leave, as too many big dogs started showing up, did this German Shepherd go apeshit. In what I can only imagine was the most traumatic thing they have ever witnessed (i was not there, i only heard) the German Shepherd attacked Holly, took her in his mouth and started shaking her back and forth violently.

She lived. Somehow. We all still aren't sure how. She apparently bled everywhere, as Stephen scooped her up and ran her to the vet. He thought for sure she was a goner, but those papillons, they are damn troopers. So Holly was stitched up (which took many many stitches) and while I always made fun of Stephen for having a slightly pudgy dog, I have to think her round lil haunches saved her life. Miraculously, despite two HUGE flesh wounds the size of a Shepherd's jaw, she did not break any bones or puncture any vital organs. So I have to think the fact that she was grabbed from the back, and not the head or neck, was a life saver. I really can't imagine witnessing that. Stephen says he hardly remembers what was happening because he was so traumatized. Of course after dropping Holly off for surgery they tried to see if the asshole owner had come to the vet or perhaps hung around the dog park, but no, of course he took off. His and his asshole aggressive dog. So they were stuck with the $1500 bill and a whole lot of grief. For someone who also has no kids, and only a dog, I know that your dog is essentially treated like your child. The thought of seeing it nearly eaten...well I just can't imagine that.

As of today, Holly is recovering doing well. But I imagine she will be a little off her game for awhile. So folks, the dog park can be a fun place. But dogs are dogs and animals don't always do what you think they are going to do. Dogs that have never been properly socialized have no place at the dog park. People who are assholes also have no place owning huge dogs that are probably smarter than they are. Take heed.

Why I Will Miss Rockland County

It's official. Christopher and I are homeowners. As of Monday we are the proud owners of a little ranch in Putnam County. And as of Wednesday night, we get to start moving in. (which we intend to do very slowly as we have a few things to get in line before we actually haul all of our crap up there).

So, I've lived away from Valley Cottage before. In college to Scranton and then to Nashville and then to Clarksville, TN. So yea, I've moved around before. But this is the first time I will ever be living anywhere in NY but Rockland County- so I have to write a little list on the things I will miss.

1. Living on Sequoia Drive

We currently rent the upstairs of my dad's house from him. I grew up on Sequoia drive, and am still friends with the families I grew up with since birth. The things I love about Sequoia Drive are: 

-It's name. Sequoias are my favorite tree

-The dead end. Nothing beats living on a dead end.

-The train. I have a huge freight railroad line that runs through my backyard. The sound (or should I say the defeaning sound) of the train roaring past is one of my favorite sounds.

-The creek. Or more like a moat now that they have widened it to prevent flooding. 

Here's to you, Sequoia Drive. I will clearly be back to visit my dad, but I will miss seeing you every day!!

2. Seeing my Dad

Ok, so my dad may be a pain sometimes, but at the end of the day he has the biggest heart of anyone I know. And as much as I get frustrated yelling so that he can actually hear me, or finding the my laundry has been folded (keep your hands off my unmentionables dad!) I will miss the fact that he would always ask if I wanted him to make me dinner, the oil on my car would miraculously be changed, and the dog would always be entertained during the day.

Papa D is the best.

3. Nyack

I heart downtown Nyack. I know there are plenty of similiar towns in Putnam and Northern Westchester, but something about Nyack will always be close to my heart!

4. Being so close to the Hudson

Not like I'm moving far from the water exactly, but I loved being right there.

5. The New City Diner

See my previous post about this one. I will miss the New City Diner so much. Not to mention that their owners have opened up a NEW second diner in Blauvelt.  I hope the grand opening happens before I leave!

6. Knowing all the super secret shortcuts

As most of you already know, I am totally obsessed with maps. I love directions and finding my way around. Living in Rockland my whole life, I can tell you 16 different ways to get to just about every destination. I know the fastest way, the shortest way, the way with the fewest lights, the prettiest way, the way with the best shops on the way, the way that will allow you to pass the DINER on the way, and every way in between.  So that fact that I will now be the sucker driving on the main roads because I don't know any other way....totally irks the shit out of me. 

7. Being close to Jersey

So again, not like I'm going to be FAR from Jersey, but I'll have to cross a bridge to get there. And in case you think Jersey is worthless, let me remind of these fun facts.

-Gas is almost always 20-30 cents cheaper per gallon

-It's always full serve. It's the law in Jersey that you cannot pump your own gas!

-There is no sales tax on clothes

-They have malls that are actually worth going to

-They have more diners per square mile than just about anywhere

-The Emm Effing Jerzzzzzey Shore

8. The Palisades Parkway

Unlike Jersey and unlike the other side of the bridge, we have a b-line road that takes us right to the GW bridge WITHOUT going through Jersey traffic and WITHOUT going through the Bronx.  So while it will be nice to be on the city side of the river, driving in through the Bronx to get to Manhattan will be a major pain in the keester. I have a feeling I may end up suffering the very long train ride to go into NYC.

9. The Tappan Zee Bridge

I know most Rocklanders would think I was absolutely out of my mind for saying this. The TZ bridge is old, constantly under construction, and notoriously backed up. But I cross it every day to go to work. And no matter what the traffic or the hold up, I can never deny a single fact. The view from the Tappan Zee Bridge is absolutely breathtaking. It crosses over the Hudson River for a whopping 3-mile span. It is the longest span of any bridge of its kind. To one side you get a view of Hook Mountain- gorgeous. And to the other side you can just peek around the corner to see the Manhattan skyline. Whether it's a gray choppy river day or a bright sunny day, I've seen more beautiful skies crossing that bridge that just about anywhere else. Not to mention that I have seen 5 rainbows- FULL ARCH rainbows- in the 2.5 years that I have been crossing that bridge every day to go to work. Gorgeous.

10.  I Grew Up Here!!

I guess I don't really need to elaborate on this one. I have awesome memories in this place. I have memories of people I will never see again and things I can never recreate. But in the end, I am excited to be moving. I am excited to start a new life with Chris in a new place. And it's not far from home (45 minutes). Just visiting our house on the day of our closing, I stood in the backyard and it took my breath away. This is MY backyard! This is MY house!!! I live here!!

What an amazing accomplished feeling that is. It's been a good week so far. :)

ShopRite Gone Wrong

Chris and I enjoy adventure. We also enjoy being creatures of habit in our own little ways. Grocery shopping happens to be one of these habits. Now admittedly, I am a fan of the "go to the market and wing it" strategy, while Chris is of the list-making breed. Years of being together has taught me that there is no way I am getting the man to the supermarket without a list. So be it.
Recently, our lives have been totally insane. Time is a thing of the past and hence grocery shopping for us usually means 8:30 pm on Sunday night. We try to tell ourselves this is normal by saying we are "avoiding the crowds" or "waiting until they restock from the Sunday rush" but in reality, then we realize that we go so late because there is no way in hell we'll ever get our shit together to get out of the house with list in hand before that time.

Today, however, something about our grocery trip completely rocked our world. Somehow between last week and this week, the ShopRite of West Nyack has completely remodeled. Apparently the freezer section had begun sinking into the marshland (this market is located next to the Palisades Mall, notorious for the fact that it too is sinking into the marshland, all 3rd largest mall in America of it).

This threw us for a loop. For starters, when you walk in now, you are faced with what is called the "Pharmacy Privacy Section." This section is stocked with condoms, pregnancy tests, lubes, and the like. This cracked me up as the "Privacy Section" is now the very first thing glaring in front of you as you walk in the store. How anyone thought that this would be "private" is beyond me.

I take a quick look around. WTF. The fruits and vegetables, which were once the far left of the store, are now located in what is the MIDDLE of the store, with aisles on either side of it. This completely effs our system. We always get the fruits and veggies first, then make our way through the rest of the store. Chris insists we should not break tradition and heads for the pile of peaches. I am hesitant. Shouldn't we start on one end and make our way to the other? No, the habit monster has struck again. Besides, I too enjoy our system. We are a well oiled grocery shopping machine.

Or well. We were. The problem is, they haven't just relocated the freezer section and a few shelves. They have completely re-arranged everything. I am totally out of sorts. To make it worse, I am wearing a baseball cap. I know what you are saying. What the hell does that have to do with anything? Well, for me, having my peripheral vision blocked out by the rim of my hat sort of does something to my consciousness. Don't think I don't realize how insane this sounds, but it's something like Jeff from Today's Special (if you don't know what I am talking about I pity your Nickelodeon-less childhood). In any event, my inability to see what is around me makes it impossible for me to function normally. But for some reason the little tunnel vision I develop with a baseball cap makes me feel all warm and cozy. I wear baseball caps only when going grocery shopping, and only when going grocery shopping in the rain.

So back to the mission. Things start going wrong when I break out in song and dance in the new "cereal and rice aisle." The cereal was never with the rice before. I do a little dance and sing a song about it. Chris is looking at his list, previously written in a manner that would allow us to go from end to end checking things off in the proper order. Well the new set up means out list is completely fucked. And now I am dancing. I get a look. Usually Chris likes my dances, but not when he can't find where the granola bars are located. We scoot into the napkin aisle. I am moving at a snails pace, commenting on every little thing I see, something like the kid in the outfield sniffing the dandelions. It's the baseball cap, I tell you!! Chris asks me to please stop dancing so that we can get this grocery trip over before 10pm.
We are now on a mission for oatmeal. I start hysterically laughing. Chris asks why, as my laughing has now prevented me from moving forward down the aisle. "Well, I was just imagining myself doing a little dance down this aisle, and it went like this." Uh oh. So I'm dancing in the market again. I tend to do this quite often. I'll think of something I think is funny and bust out laughing and no one knows why. Only now I had to go act on it.

We have now done at least 3 laps of the entire market as the new set up has totally screwed us up and we keep missing things on the list. Chris has gone up and down every aisle searching in vain for the couscous. I am still moving slowly, baseball cap mode, and I see Chris take off. Uh oh. He has entered "I am on a fucking mission" mode....and it has begun to escalate into "Code Blue my wife is dancing again, must move faster and ditch the crazy lady" mode. I look up from my tunnel baseball vision and Chris is practically running with the cart. By the time I mosey on over the his end of the store, I find a nice gentleman who works there. He looks disturbed. I ask him where the couscous is located. His eyes widen and he says "oh, some other guy just asked for that."
"Yea, he's my husband." Right now grocery boy is thinking wow, that guy was moving like he's on large amounts of speed, and he is married to you, who is moving like she is on large amounts of dope.

For the record, neither of us use drugs.

And normally, I do move quite quickly. Just not on a late night grocery trip when wearing my baseball cap. Needless to say, we left sans couscous and called it a night.