My Atheism and My Spirtuality

Polls show that one of the most discriminated against minorities in the United States happens to be....atheists. Now personally, I would probably never have noticed this if I had not spent a year in Tennessee. I'm a New Yorker. I probably know more non-believers than I do believers. But after spending that fateful year down south, I saw first hand how terrified people can be by something as simple as a different belief (or non-belief).
In any event, this made me feel it was very important to support things like separation of church and state, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and the like. Because the fact of the matter is, I don't believe in a god of any kind. And the big question I am quite used to by this point is....why not?

I was raised Catholic. Well, sort of Catholic. My family was never religious. In my mother's last few years she became fanatically religious but I wonder now if this wasn't some sort of symptom of her illness we just never knew about. But I did go to Catholic school my entire life. From Kindergarten through all girls Catholic High School through a Jesuit College...(college was a coincidence). So I had my fill of religion. The thing was, I was not your typical kid. I don't know if I was just beyond my years or outside the boundaries of your average person's thought processes (maybe a little bit of both) but I simply could not look at the world around me...or anything I was told for that matter...and take it "as is." So for me, it went something like this.

3rd grade- Sr. Lynne's class- we're learning about how people who have been introduced to God must accept him. If the don't accept him, they are choosing to turn their back on him. This is apparently bad. I raise my hand:
"But that doesn't make sense. If I grew up in a tribe in the jungle, I wouldn't believe you either."
I lose my recess and have to stay inside with Sr. Lynne.

6th grade- Mrs. Gerish's class- We're learning about the origins of the universe. I raise my hand:
"If everything has to come from somewhere, and that's why we should believe in God, then where did God come from?"
"He didn't come from anywhere, he always was."
"But you just said everything had to come from somewhere"
"Well he doesn't count in that."
"That makes no sense"
My mom is called in for a "meeting."

8th grade- Sr. Pat's class- We're learning about the "power of prayer." I raise my hand:
"But prayer doesn't make any sense. If your prayers are answered, it's because you prayed. If your prayers AREN'T answered, it's because it was God's will. That's pretty convenient, no?"
I am forced to have a "sit down" with Sr. Pat and the principal.

It went on like this for a long time. The fact was, I was more just scared of what I had learned in school. So I "believed" it for a time. But eventually this no longer hacked it. The more I thought about it, the less I could wrap my head around the things I had learned. The less I could actually imagine that the universe was created by someone or something beyond us.

Somewhere in high school, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I'd already read the bible cover to cover enough times to make my head spin. I could recite every bit of dogma from the Catholic church. I knew exactly what I was going to hell for. Now it was time to expand. I started researching religions. Anything and everything. From Protestants to Mormons to Ancient Greek Mythology, for years I looked into it all. My conclusions, after much research and thought, were that religion was man made. It was no more than a social phenomenon. Religion (or some variation of it) went back to the beginning of time. Before they had the science or the knowledge to explain things, humans explained the unexplainable by attributing it to something greater than themselves. We can't see where the rain comes from. There must be someone making it in the sky.
Eventually this evolved. All it took was one influential charismatic person with a big idea and enough people to listen. Christians had Jesus, Muslims had Mohammed, Mormons had Joseph Smith, hell even Scientologists had L.Ron Hubbard and Tom Cruise!! Next thing you know, people follow. Some religions are still just cults because not enough people sign up. But as soon as the numbers add up, there you have it. A bonified religion. More often then not, it can spread like wildfire once enough people say it's got merit. Mormonism is one of the fastest growing religions out there and it was only created in the 1830's by an average man (Joseph Smith) who claimed he was visited by an angel who gave him a sacred book. Or Scientology which was based on a book by a science fiction writer (Dianetics by L.Ron Hubbard, first published in the 1950's- caught on big in the 80's). And the more research I do, the more I realize that it's all a man made endeavor. Human nature is to look for answers. For me, science gives me the answers I seek. But the history of religion is what really turned me away from it. For me, it's not about that lack of proof in religion as much as the proof of contradiction. The contradictions that exist are enough to nullify the whole idea of a religion formed from direct contact with an all powerful being. I could go on about hundreds of contradictions in the Catholic church. Here's just one:

The Pope is chosen by God and is a direct messenger of God so we must follow him. He is infallible.
Well, he is infallible only when he sits in that special chair. When he's not in the chair that doesn't count.
Ok. So..the Pope is chosen by God and is a direct messenger of God, so we must follow him. He is infallible when he is in his special chair.
Well, except that one pope (who was it, Leo X?) who was selling tickets to heaven to raise money for the church and said this was okay from the special chair.
So...the Pope is chosen by God and is a direct messenger of God, and we must follow him, except when he is a corrupt shady pope selling tickets to heaven from the special chair. That was just some crazy mistake.

That right there tells me something has to be a little off. I'm not poking fun here, I'm just explaining how it played out for me.

Spirituality for Me

In the end, I am fine with my atheism. In fact, I am happy with it. People tend to think that not believing in a god means that my life has no purpose, my life is empty, my life is without spirit. This couldn't be farther from the truth. For me, life cannot be as simple as waiting for a prayer to be answered. For me, I have to be the greatest force in my own life. I have to be willing to make things happen. While this may seem scary to some, it is empowering to me. I am not a passive character in a life that is happening to me. I am the only force. Additionally, by not believing in god I do not believe in an after life. For this reason, I believe that this life is my only one to live. I believe that I must live this life to my best and greatest potential as I do not get another chance. For this reason, I believe I see the beauty in this world as it is in the here and now. A gorgeous tree is as gorgeous as it can ever be. There will be no "second life" for me to appreciate this tree into eternity. I have to take it in, here and now. I believe in energy (not supernatural, but natural) that exists in our universe and flows in and out of everything. I feel that I can be connected to my environment and to others in this sense. I believe that people's moral codes should be intrinsic. I act morally because it is the right thing to do. Not because I am afraid of punishment or eternal damnation. To say one cannot have morals without religion is to say that one walks around daily, not committing heinous acts ONLY because they are afraid of punishment by a god. We all know this is not the case. (most of the time, lions and tigers and other predators starving during a drought won't eat each other. Not because God told them not to, but because instinct is to be good to your own kind. Of course there is always a bad apple in the bunch, but for the most part this doesn't happen). I intend to raise my (hypothetical) children to question things and decide for themselves. If they decide they want god in their lives, go for it.
And as I have said before, I have no problem with you or your religion. If it provides you with comfort, then be happy with it. On that note, allow me (and other atheists) the same respect.

Some good reading on this topic:
The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
Why I Am Not A Christian by Bertrand Russell